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The discomfort of self-awareness(DW #811)

positive thinking self awareness self development selfgrowth Oct 05, 2020

Self-awareness, as we have mentioned before, is the first step on the journey of self-growth. We cannot really deal with something we are not even aware of.

Here is how Don Miguel Ruiz puts it in The Four Agreements: "The first step toward personal freedom is awareness. We need to be aware that we are not free in order to be free. We need to be aware of what the problem is in order to solve the problem."

Self-awareness, however, is not a comfortable feeling, ESPECIALLY before we have had a chance to address and change what we have become aware of.

When we first become aware of our shortcomings, we can begin to feel despondent and hopeless. We may feel impatient with ourselves and wonder why we have still so much work to do on ourselves.

At times like this, we need to remind ourselves to

"Encourage yourself by remembering that any detection of negativity within you is a positive act, not a negative one.Awareness of your weakness and confusion makes...

How much do you value the relationship(DW# 800 )

behaviour positive thinking selfdevelopment Jul 17, 2020

As we end our series on apologies, I leave you with one final thought:

If we value our relationships, we need to learn to apologize effectively. When we apologize, we send a clear message that the other person matters to us. That our relationship with them is valuable enough that we will do what it takes to make amends for our poor behaviour without evasion, excuse making or blaming.

Sometimes the process of apologizing is less about insisting on justice and more about investing in the relationship and the other person’s happiness. It is also about having the maturity and emotional intelligence to apologize for our part even when the other person’s reactions seem exaggerated, or when they can’t see their own contribution to the problem.

Here is how Dr Lerner ends her book Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts:

Lead with your heart and not your attack dog. It’s difficult and it’s worth...

Elements of a good apology(DW# 799)

positive thinking relationships self development Jul 16, 2020

Now that we have a good understanding of why apologies matter so much and how easily they can go wrong, let us explore what a good apology sounds like.

Researchers at various universities have found that the most compelling apologies include some or all of these elements:

§ An expression of regret

§ A statement of empathy for the pain caused

§ An explanation of what happened (not as an excuse!)

§ An acknowledgment of responsibility

§ A declaration of repentance

§ An offer of repair

§ A request for forgiveness

Their results suggest that if you’ve really messed up, you’ll do best if you use as many of these components as possible in your apology. However, the studies clearly showed that some of these components were much more important than others.

The researchers found that the single most important part of an apology is an...

The gift of a sincere apology(DW# 796)

behaviour positive thinking relationships Jul 13, 2020

We have talked at length about how apologies can easily go wrong and fail to make amends for our slips and mistakes.

Now let us look at what does make a good apology and why it matters.

Harriet Lerner puts it so well:

"I’m sorry" are the two most healing words in the English language. When they are spoken as part of a wholehearted apology, these words are the greatest gift we can give to the person we have offended. Our apology can help free the hurt person from life-draining anger, bitterness, and pain. It validates their sense of reality by affirming that, yes, their feelings make sense, we get it, and we take full responsibility for our words and actions (or our failure to speak or act). A heartfelt apology allows the hurt party the space to explore the possibilities of healing instead of just struggling to make sense of it all.

Isn’t that so powerful?

It is true that the hurt person has their own journey of forgiveness and...

Do yourself a favour(DW#750 )

positive thinking selfgrowth spirituality May 01, 2020

If you do good, you do good for your own souls, and if you do evil, it is for them [the souls]Sura Israa [Holy Quran 17:7]

In verse 7 of Chapter 17 [Sura Bani Israel/Isra], Allah lays out a foundational principle of the way He has created the universe. Whether we do good or evil, the effect of our actions impact us more than they impact anyone else. This is true on this plane of existence as well as the hereafter.

Firstly, this verse acknowledges freedom of choice for human beings. While we have been guided, internally and externally, the choice of action remains ours. We choose, every moment of our lives, whether to take the path towards our wellbeing and His pleasure, or against ourselves and away from His pleasure. (can you see how both are connected?)

So, even when we think we are doing others a favour by doing an act of kindness for them, or harming someone by criticizing them, being mean spirited, gossiping, betraying them, lying to them or any other act, this verse is...

Rose bud and thorn(DW#737)

compassion family feelings positive thinking Apr 14, 2020

Here is possibly my favourite way to check in with others.

Ask family members to think of their "rose, bud, and thorn" of the day:

Rose: this is the best thing that happened to them during the day.

Bud: is something they are looking forward to with hope.

Thorn: is the worst thing that happened to them today.

Please remember that the point is not to discuss why they think a particular thing is a rose or a thorn. Please do not discuss how their "thorn" is not so bad or try to get them to see the rose amongst the thorn!

That is NOT the point of this exercise.

The more we are able to validate and listen with understanding and compassion, the more open the others will be to moving beyond their current feelings and emotions.

Do you feel guilty about negative feelings?(DW#732 )

distress mindfulness pandemic positive thinking Apr 07, 2020

Over the last few days I have been hearing some version of the following over and over again:

"I shouldn’t complain. I have it so much better than so many other people". "I am missing this and that. But really I should not feel bad about it. So much bigger stuff going on in the world".

This is true. Alhamdullilah. We certainly have it better than many many people in the world who are suffering so much. And it is very good to remind ourselves of that from time to time especially when we go down a negative thought spiral.

But here’s the thing: it is also okay to feel sad about something small that meant something to you. Disappointment over something that you were looking forward to that got cancelled. That you cannot invite anyone over for a barbeque even though the weather is getting better. That your favourite restaurant has closed its doors for ever. That you cannot run out and get something from the store.

That single mom who is also a...

What did you do with the hour you gained last week? (DW#695)

mindfulness positive thinking self awareness self development Nov 21, 2019

In North America and Western Europe, the end of October/beginning of November signals the switch back from Daylight Saving Time. The clocks go back and we "gain an hour" on Sunday.

While many of us cringe at the coming of Winter and the shorter, darker days, there is a significant statistic that we need to be aware of:

"In the autumn within the Northern Hemisphere, when the clocks move forward and we gain an hour of sleep opportunity time, rates of heart attacks plummet the day after", writes Mathew Walker inWhy we Sleep.

He explains that the opposite is also true of course. Here is how he puts it:

"When communicating science to the general public in lectures or writing, I’m always wary of bombarding an audience with never-ending mortality and morbidity statistics, lest they themselves lose the will to live in front of me. It is hard not to do so with such compelling masses of studies in the field of sleep deprivation. Often, however, a single astonishing result is all the...

The second pillar of self-care (DW#691)

mindfulness positive thinking self development Nov 17, 2019

As we continue our series on self-care, let us remind ourselves that we are keeping it super simple for now.

Instead of making self-care an elaborate and unattainable practice that takes up three hours of our time, we are starting with our most basic needs.

What is the second most basic self-care routine that can have a major impact on our wellbeing?

Sleeping.

To start with, let us reflect on this passage from Matthew Walker’s fantastic book Why We Sleep:

"I was once fond of saying, ‘Sleep is the third pillar of good health, alongside diet and exercise.’ I have changed my tune. Sleep is more than a pillar; it is the foundation on which the other two health bastions sit. Take away the bedrock of sleep, or weaken it just a little, and careful eating or physical exercise become less than effective, as we shall see."

Given that the vast majority of us are sleep deprived these days, doesn’t it make sense to prioritize this as a fundamental of self-care?

The breathing cheat sheet (DW#690)

mindfulness positive thinking self awareness self development Nov 14, 2019

[Daily Wisdom #670] The breathing cheat sheet

As we wrap up our first self-care practice of breathing, let us remind ourselves of what we discussed:

[DW #675] Attend to the basics of self-care

[DW #676] Remember the three golden rules of breathing

[DW #677] Breathe Through Your Nose (all the time!)

[DW #678] Breathe deeply

[DW #679]Exhale for longer

[DW #680] Flip the switch on stress

[DW #681] Slow down

[DW #682] Breathe into your belly

[DW #683] Notice the impatience

[DW #684] Take breathing breaks

[DW #685] Balance your mind

[DW #686] Establish your baseline

[DW #687] Breathe vertically rather than horizontally

[DW #688] Distinguish breath awareness and intentional breathing

[DW #689] Boost your willpower using your breath

As always, I would love to hear from you. How has using these practices impacted your life? Which of these practices do you find the most useful? The most challenging?

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