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Today let us expand our definition of effective communication.

The skills of effective communication, which include excellent use of language and grammar, saying what we mean and meaning what we say, are extremely valuable in a professional, public and sometimes personal context.

In personal relationships, however, the skills of effective communication may not be enough to connect authentically with others and to build relationships.

In personal relationships, I prefer to use the term Mindful Communication or Conscious Communication.

Mindful communication goes further than effective communication in building relationships.

Mindful communication is communication that is intentional, purposeful, conscious and compassionate. It is communication that comes from the heart and aims to reach the heart of another. To communicate mindfully means to have a "heart to heart" with another human being.

To communicate mindfully we focus on:

Self-empathy: a deep and compassionate awareness of our...

Yesterday we talked about how miscommunication was quite common and that most of us could do with some reminders on how to communicate better.

There are many many reasons why the message gets lost in translation between my mind and your ears.

Let's try and understand a few of them.

I have an idea in my head, and I want to convey it to you. I try to convey it to the best of my ability. You then have to take my words (assuming that you heard them correctly), decode and understand them to the best of your ability and make meaning out of them.

Both our abilities to convey and receive these messages are of course impacted by many factors.

I will convey my message based on my skill at using language, what certain words mean to me and my tone and body language (which may confirm or conflict with the message).

I also have underlying emotions that colour the way I speak. If I want to go out for dinner, for example, I might ask "What shall we do for dinner" because it feels safer than making...

The worth of every man is in his pursuit of excellence.

Imam Ali believed that whatever is worth doing, is worth doing well.

Do not try to be quick in what you do, but try to do it well, for surely people will not ask you: "How long did it take you to finish what you were doing?" Surely they will ask you how well you did it.

Are we pursuing quantity over quality in our daily actions?

Whether it completing a project at work, laying the table for dinner or being emotionally available to our children, how can we take the time to do at least some things really well every day?

The satisfaction of a job well done far exceeds the relief at getting something checked off our 'to do' list.

Don't you think?

Those of you who know Louise Hay's work, may have heard that she passed away peacefully last week at the age of 90.

Louise Hay was one of the founders of the self help movement and her book, Heal Your Body, was first published in 1976, long before it was fashionable to discuss the connection between the mind and body. After the publication of You Can Heal Your Life in 1984 (which has more than 50 million copies in print worldwide), Louise started to inspire and uplift millions with her words of wisdom, now contained in over 30 books for adults and children.

You can read much more about her work and legacy here.

Although criticized by some for her "woo-woo" new age messaging and lack of scientific backing for her work, there is no doubt that Louise's words have supported millions of people through life's challenges. Even if we don't entirely buy into Louise's messaging (and I do have my reservations!), there is so much we can learn from her about helpful versus unhelpful thinking.

...

Today's quote is a lovely poem from Khalil Gibran

Don't live a half life

Do not love half lovers
Do not entertain half friends
Do not indulge in works of the half talented
Do not live half a life and do not die a half death

If you choose silence, then be silent
When you speak, do so until you are finished
Do not silence yourself to say something
And do not speak to be silent
If you accept, then express it bluntly
Do not mask it
If you refuse then be clear about it
for an ambiguous refusal
is but a weak acceptance

Do not accept half a solution
Do not believe half truths
Do not dream half a dream
Do not fantasize about half hopes

Half a drink will not quench your thirst
Half a meal will not satiate your hunger
Half the way will get you no where
Half an idea will bear you no results

Half a life is a life you didn't live,
A word you have not said
A smile you postponed
A love you have not had
A friendship you did not know
To reach and not arrive
Work and not work
Attend only to be absent
What makes you a...

Maya Angelou lived a challenging life. What is so inspiring about her work and words is that she did not lose hope and she believed in the inherent goodness of people (despite how many of them had treated her).

She believed that no matter how we have been treated, we can choose not to pass on the pain to others:

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Maya Angelou

Her words encourage kindness, love and connection. Here are my some of my favourites:

At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.
Maya Angelou

Each one of us has lived through some devastation, some loneliness, some weather superstorm or spiritual superstorm, when we look at each other we must say, I understand. I understand how you feel because I have been there myself. We must support each other and empathize with each other because each of us is more alike than we are unalike.
Maya Angelou

If you have only one smile in you, give it...

How often do we put off things that are important but not urgent? We seem to be waiting for some undetermined future in which we will have "more time" to do things that matter.

I love this quote from the Buddha on the uncertainty of life and the fragility of time:

The trouble is, you think you have time
The Buddha

And this one about the passage of time:

The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot.
Michael Althsuler

And another favourite from Rumi today:

The way of love

The way of love is not
a subtle argument.

The door there
is devastation.

Birds make great sky-circles
of their freedom.
How do they learn it?

They fall, and falling,
they're given wings.

Isn't that beautiful? How do you understand these verses?

Here is one interpretation (there are many more of course – the beauty of Rumi is that he can speak about Divine love and earthly love using the same words)

True love is a demanding thing...and it is an argument...with yourself and your lover...an argument because you are desiring love and afraid of love in the same breath...an argument because you and your lover are different and are trying to become more like one within each other...

"the door there is devastation"...the entry way to love is passed through by holding yourself open to great risk...risk of vulnerability, of rejection, of being hurt, of being out of control, of "falling"...

For Divine love, and for earthly love to...

The journey to writing the "Daily Wisdom" emails started when I was a child.

An avid reader from nursery school, I would mark up my books with writing that I enjoyed and which inspired me. I started curating a collection of quotes while I was still in elementary school. These handwritten quotes still dwell in an old yellowing notebook titled "Quotable Quotes". It is quite interesting to reflect on my personal journey of emotional and spiritual maturity through the quotes that I have gathered over the years.

The words of wisdom that I still gather (now in Evernote!) from books and people, in poetry and prose, inspire me to live up to my full potential, to do the right thing and to see the bigger picture. They validate my life experiences, encourage me to try harder when I feel discouraged and provide a healing balm to the heart on days when sadness and negativity overcome joy and positivity.

As we celebrate the now over 200 editions of Daily Wisdom (can you believe it? small steps do...

Over the past few weeks we have been sharing ways you can unknowingly ruin your relationship. Some of the posts were difficult to read and I really appreciate you hanging in there and continuing despite the discomfort you may have felt. The fact that you are still reading is a sign of your commitment not to ruin your relationship.

As you read the various posts, what did you notice?

I really hope that you sometimes caught yourself in the act of doing things that would ruin your relationship. (And we all do some of these things some of the time, by the way) I hope that you became more aware of your attitudes and behaviours that could damage your marriage if left unchecked. I pray that you paused for a moment at times, and asked yourself: Do I really want to ruin a perfectly good relationship?

If, on the other hand, while reading the emails you only reconfirmed how your spouse is ruining the relationship – you get absolutely no points for that! You actually did not need these...