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Let’s be honest. The vast majority of us have a (sometimes secret) guilty pleasure that we spend more time on than we intend.

So let me start by confessing something. I can be a workaholic. When I am researching, writing or preparing a presentation, I tend to lose track of time and work bleeds into family or leisure time. Recently, however, I have discovered the joys (!) of binge watching Netflix and find it really difficult to stop after watching just one episode of an engaging show. What I am noticing is that while watching a single episode of something can be rejuvenating, relaxing and a good way to wind down the day, watching three episodes in a row is much less so. After an evening of such binge watching, I end up feeling guilty and empty (and much too wired to sleep), and wishing that I had used my time in a much more productive fashion.

What were your biggest time wasters in...

Continuing with our series on reflecting on the past year, today let us bring to mind WHO we were grateful for this past year. 

Before we begin, a quick question: have you heard of the "gratitude gap"? Let me explain what it is. 

The John Templeton Foundation did an extensive survey on gratitude in America. They found that when asked what they were grateful for, a staggering majority of people put family (90%) and friends (87%) at the top of their lists. 

But here is the sad part: less than half of women (and even less of men) expressed this sense of gratitude or appreciation to their family or friends. So even though many people are feeling gratitude in their hearts for people, they appear to be reticent to express this gratitude. 

In fact, the closer the relationship, the less likely people are to show their appreciation for their loved ones. So family and spouses appear to get the least verbal appreciation from us even...

As we have previously discussed, a gratitude practice is key to mental and emotional wellbeing. When we are intentional about noticing things that are right and expressing gratitude for them, we actually train our brains to become more positive and optimistic. 

There are however, more and less effective ways to express gratitude. 

1)   If we are putting gratitude on a "to do list" for ourselves, it can lead to it becoming a burden rather than a blessing, say researchers. The idea is to begin noticing things that we are grateful for as a first step. When a daily practice of gratitude leads to us noticing more things to be grateful for, it can work really well

2)   Go for depth rather than breath. When our gratitude lists are brief and general, they may do little to lift us up. A University of Southern California study found that writing one sentence about five things we’re grateful for is less beneficial than writing five sentences...

Today let us reflect on life lessons learnt from this past year. These lessons could include reflections on what you did that worked, what you did that did not work, lessons learnt in challenging times and/or blessings and opportunities that you discovered even amidst set backs. 

In fact, it is generally in challenging times that we step back, take stock and reflect on what we have learnt and/or can do differently. 

So go ahead, and take a moment to reflect and write down the life lessons that you have learnt this past year. By distilling these lessons and turning them into wisdom, we can learn from the past and not repeat our mistakes (of course we can always make new mistakes :))

Here are some life lessons from challenging situations to reflect on. It can be difficult to write them in positive terms so that we are not embittered by our experiences and we so that we many continue to live with positivity, purpose and peace. 

You can only control yourself. You may wish...

Psychologists who study regret map a three-stage process which triggers regret: there is action, outcome and recall. In other words, we take an action, we experience the outcome of our action and if the outcome is negative, we feel regret. 

The third aspect of regret, recall is rather interesting. The researchers found that "Feelings of dissatisfaction and disappointment are strongest where the chances of corrective reaction are clearest". In other words, the greater (and easier) the opportunity for corrective action which is not taken, the stronger the regret. 

Let’s try and understand this with a couple of examples: imagine you have an exam and you don’t study enough to get a passing grade. What the research suggests is that you will experience stronger regret if you get one or two percent below the passing grade than if you miss the grade by a long shot. 

Imagine you are catching a plane, get distracted, leave late for the airport, hit traffic and arrive...

When we are reviewing the past year and reflecting on our stumbles, feelings of regret can sometimes surface. We may begin thinking about how our life would be different or better "if only" we had done this or not done that. 

The pain of regret can be intense and it is very tempting to want to distract ourselves, distance ourselves or push it away. Doing this too quickly can be a mistake. 

Janet Landman from the University of Michigan explains that there are some benefits of staying with the discomfort of regret. 

Firstly, there is information and instruction. Regret informs us that the course of action that we have taken in the past has not led to success. 

Secondly, the pain of regret can act as a motivation for change. It tells us that the course of action has not made us happy and we need to do something different in order to get better results. 

Thirdly, and related to the point above, regret can act as a moral compass. If we see negative outcomes for...

Philosopher Seren Kierkegaard said that we live forward but we understand backward. These simple words make so much sense: very often we do not gain understanding of a situation or of our actions until they are in the past. It is only once we see the impact of our actions (both positive and negative) that we gain a perception of whether our decisions were sound. We can see this both in our personal and professional lives. 

Sometimes the impact is so significant that we cannot move forward and we get stuck. We may keep ruminating about our decisions and wish that we had done more to get greater success (if the impact is positive) or, more likely, wish that we had made better choices, if the impact is negative. 

While wishing that we had made better choices is not helpful, it can be hugely beneficial to confront our choices, reflect on their impact and learn lessons from them. It is only by being brave enough to engage in this process can we move powerfully into our future....

Here are the 10 ways to challenge cognitive distortions that we have been exploring over the past few weeks. (and here is the link to catch up on any that you may have missed)

1)    Clear weeds from the garden of your mind [DW#508]
2)    Separate facts from interpretations [DW#509]
3)    Be an observer and develop a practice of thought watching. [DW#510 and DW#517]
4)    Explore what happened and what did you make it mean? [DW#511]
5)    Ask yourself if your interpretations are helpful. [DW#512]
6)    Come up with more helpful interpretations. [DW #513 & DW#514]]
7)    Ask yourself what your wisest friend would advice you in this situation?  [DW#515]
8)    Take the advice that you would give to a dear friend [DW#516]
9)    Develop and use a list of questions to challenge...

People who are successful and happy in this world have as many negative thoughts as you and I do. Really. 

The difference is that they find ways to remind themselves to focus on the narrative that they want to live rather than focusing on the mental chatter in their heads. 

Because if we continue to believe every thought that we have, and if our thoughts continue to be negative, it will be very challenging to live a life of positivity, purpose or peace. 
What we allow to settle in our minds and what we focus on will surely become our reality. 

So how about focusing on the narrative that we want to live? How about becoming aware of where our attention is, and being intentional about directing it where we want it to be? 

Here are 25 questions that we can choose from. When we notice our distorted thinking patterns, lets challenge the validity of these distortions. They can seldom hold up to this type of questioning.

·     Is this thought helpful?
·     What are the disadvantages of thinking this way? 
·     Do I have a trusted friend whom I can check out these thoughts with?
·     Are there other ways that I can think about this situation or myself?
·     Am I blaming myself unnecessarily?
·     Is it really in my control?
·     Is it all someone else’s fault? 
·     Am I overgeneralizing?
...