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We have been talking about building love by taking advantage of the micro-moments of connectivity and positivity resonance.

For the next few days, lets explore some practical ways we can practice OTLs (opportunities to love).

The key is to make practicing OTLs
1} intentional and
2} consistent
until they become part of your relationship rituals.

Are you ready to begin the OTL challenge? Commit to creating at least three micro-moments of connection every day with your significant other and watch love blossom.

For those of us who are feeling less than creative at the moment, we will share some simple OTLs to consider. Of course, feel free to add to these and do share if you come up with a creative OTL that we can learn from!

Let’s be realistic. Every exchange that we have with others will not be positive. In fact, the closer and older the relationship we have with another, especially our family members, the more likely that there will be times when we are less than our best selves (to put it mildly!)

Thankfully, our close relationships can survive with a bit of negativity. But in order to thrive, we do need to keep the negative interactions to a minimum.

According to Dr. John Gottman’s extensive research, there is a very specific ratio that makes marital love last.

That "magic ratio" is 5 to 1. This means that for every negative interaction, a stable and happy couple has five (or more) positive interactions with each other.

What this means for love in our relationships is that even during conflict, we need to be intentional about keeping the tone respectful and friendly, show signs of affection, humor and fondness for the other.

In other words we can find OTLs even when the other person is...

We have been talking about nurturing love in our lives by practicing micro-moments of connection with others.

But given that in today’s world, we live in a "cocoon of self-absorption", how do we move from *disconnection* to connection?
One of the simplest ways to practice the art of connection is to intentionally be on the lookout for opportunities to perform
acts of intentional, deliberate connection and kindness in daily life.

Small gestures such as making eye contact with the check out clerk at the supermarket, asking how their day is going and being emotionally present to the answer, holding a door open for someone, allowing another driver to enter your lane, helping someone carry a load, moving over to make room for someone all have the potential to count as OTLs.

Simply pause for a moment to notice and become present to the feeling of goodwill between you and another human being in these micro-moments.

You will have delighted another with your small gesture, but you will...

One of the most exciting things about the upgraded version of love that we have been discussing these days is that it’s not limited to our most intimate relationships (yet, very importantly, can be practiced most frequently within them).

When we allow ourselves to open up to the possibility of creating micro-moments of connection, we can create this positivity resonance with others and experience the extraordinary gains in health and happiness that go with practicing this supreme emotion.

So go ahead. Look for opportunities to share a positive micro-moment of connection with another human being.

How many opportunities to practice love (OTLs) will you take advantage of today?

Continuing our discussion on the new theory of love, Barbara Fredrickson explains that ‘micro moments of connection’ or ‘positivity resonance’ make us healthy, happy and spiritually connected.

"Love is our supreme emotion" writes Fredrickson: "Its presence or absence in our lives influences everything we feel, think, do, and become. It’s that recurrent state that ties you in— your body and brain alike—to the social fabric, to the bodies and brains of those in your midst. When you experience love—true heart/mind/soul-expanding love— you not only become better able to see the larger tapestry of life and better able to breathe life into the connections that matter to you, but you also set yourself on a pathway that leads to more health, happiness, and wisdom."

Fredrick son’s claims are borne out by others doing similar work.
According to research findings of psychologist Susan Pinker, it's not a sunny disposition or a low-fat,...

As we discovered yesterday, Barbara Fredrickson’s new theory of love suggests that "Love blossoms virtually anytime two or more people – even strangers – connect over a shared positive emotion, be it mild or strong".

She explains that the feeling of love is a biological phenomenon, a phenomenon where three separate but interwoven events synchronize for a moment in your body to create the feeling of love.

These events are:
1) A shared positive emotion or emotions between two or more people. These emotions although momentary, create measurable changes in brain wave activity in your brain. For example, if you share a moment of happiness or a joke at the same time with someone, it would be a shared positive emotion between the two (or more) of you.
2) A biological response in the brains of those sharing these emotions (she calls this biobehavioral synchrony). In other words, what happens in your brain has an impact on the other person’s brain which is also...

Every once in a while, a book comes along that completely shifts our paradigms about certain concepts, and challenges long held beliefs and opinions. Love 2.0 by Barbara Fredrickson is one such book.

Barbara is one of the world’s leading positive psychologists. For the last two decades she has been exploring the science of positive emotions such as joy, gratitude, amusement, and hope. (Such a fun job, right?). In her latest book, Love 2.0, she outlines a new theory of love that is incredibly hopeful, optimistic and practical.

She writes:
". . . love is far more ubiquitous than you ever thought possible for the simple fact that love is connection. It’s that poignant stretching of your heart that you feel when you gaze into a newborn’s eyes for the first time or share a farewell hug with a dear friend. It’s even the fondness and sense of shared purpose you might unexpectedly feel with a group of strangers who’ve come together to marvel at a hatching of sea...

We spent last week talking about Dr. Gary Chapman’s love languages.

Did you recognize your own love language? And did you discover your spouse’s? (Hint: It is related to what you complain about the most!)

Can you now tell that the way your spouse is expressing love to you may not feel like love to you because it is in a "foreign language"?

Do you recognize that what each of you complains about missing in the relationship is a big clue to what love language is not being spoken? It is almost as if your love was being lost in translation.

Once you begin to recognize these things, here are two challenges for you, should you choose to accept them (which will have a dramatic impact on your relationship)

1) Challenge yourself to demonstrate love to your spouse in a language that feels natural to them and that they understand.
2) Help your spouse understand your love language and what you need and are requesting in order to feel loved.

The fifth and final love language is physical touch. If your love language is physical touch, you feel love when the other is physically close to you. You crave physical affection and the best thing someone can do for you is hug you.

If your spouse’s love language is physical touch, please don’t skimp on the cuddles and the hand-holding.

When they are upset or emotional, don’t leave them alone because physical distance from you feels like abandonment to them. Being held will comfort them more than your words (or advice!) can.

The fourth love language is acts of service.

If your love language is acts of service, you believe that actions speak louder than words and you show others you love them by doing things for them that make their lives easier.

You feel loved when others do things for you that make your life easier. You prefer that someone show you love by cleaning your car than by telling you that they love you.

If your spouse’s love language is acts of service, little things that you can do for them to make their life easier will mean a lot. A "honey-do list" is a request for being loved by taking care of household tasks!