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The good news about inspiration (DW#570)

You have moments of inspiration, don’t you? Moments when you feel really really motivated and inspired to take action on your task or project. The good news about inspiration is that we all experience it from time to time.

It would be wise for you to capitalize on this inspiration. And start taking action immediately. Today. Not in the future. Now.

Experts in motivation tell us that the longer we wait between feeling inspired to do something and actually doing it, the more our own image of ourselves erodes. Along with our confidence in getting the job done.

So the moment you feel inspiration, please don’t delay, over analyze it or second guess it. Or try to do it perfectly.

Simply get up and get into motion.

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The bad news about the future (DW#569)

Have you ever told yourself that you don’t have time this week to do what matters but you will for sure next week? Next week you will be organized and have more time. Next week, things will magically work out and what distracts you today, will surely sort itself out next week.
 
It turns out that this is a very common human tendency. We tend to overestimate the time that we will have in the future.
 
The line from the musical Annie comes to mind: Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow. You are always a day away . . .
 
As lovely and positive as that thought may be, the reality, it turns out, it quite different. We are no more organized the next day than we are today. Tomorrow is likely to be just like today. We will be busy and distracted and have a long list of urgent things that will crowd out the important.

So our future will be just like our present. Unless we do something different. And start taking action on what matters. Not tomorrow and not...

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Taking action is rather risky (DW#566)

One of the risks of completing any task or project is that once it is done, we realise that it is not perfect. Despite our best efforts we may still not succeed fully at what we tried. Moreover, people may criticise our efforts or our project. Putting ourselves out there makes us very vulnerable. 

Also, when we are in the process of doing one thing, we cannot do other things. Once we start taking committed action on one thing, we are losing the opportunity to do other things. At least at that time. We can experience major FOMO (Fear of missing out).

In other words, if we do not take action and we do not complete projects we save ourselves from the risk that accompanies any action. We are safe from failure, criticism and from having to decide on priorities. 

The ship of our life is safe in harbour. 


But here is the thing about ships: yes, ships are safest when they are docked in the harbour. 

But that is not what ships are built for, are they?

When we are out there in...

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Have a State of the Union Meeting (DW#558)

Time investment: One hour a week

It is one of life’s great mysteries that people who like to discuss all issues as they arise are often married to people who do not like to discuss any issues at all. Ever.

The state of the union meeting addresses concerns of both these types of people.

If you ritualize a weekly meeting to discuss issues in your relationship, both spouses can relax for the rest of the week. The conflict avoidant person can relax because they know that conflict will only be brought up once a week and not everyday. And the person wanting to discuss issues can also relax knowing that there is at least one hour a week where their concerns will be heard and addressed.

Dr. Gottman’s research has confirmed that when couples spend just one hour per week discussing areas of concern within the relationship, it transforms the way partners manage conflict. 

When I work with couples in conflict, they find that this dedicated space to discuss issues gives them the...

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Some ideas for intentions (DW#535)

If you are having trouble coming up with your intention for the year, here are some words to get you thinking. This is not an exhaustive list of course. 

Just read it over once and then let your inner wisdom come up with an intention that speaks to you at this particular time in your life. 

Compassion, Delight, Generosity, Effortlessness, Wealth, Gratitude, Abundance, Creativity, Willingness, Change, Growth, Freedom, Mastery, Truth, Authenticity, Consistency, Kindness Health Presence Acceptance Courage Confidence Self-Love, Action, Forgiveness, Forgive Release, Trust, Knowing, Patience, Friendship, Fun, Grace, Laughter, Love, Expansion, Exploration, Adventure, Openness, Discipline, Awe, Awareness, Risk, Gentleness, Choice, Spirit, Prayerfulness, Power, Allow, Artfulness, Attention, Beauty, Joy, Focus, Ritual, Heal, Order, Clarity, Pioneer, Peace, Laziness, Deliberateness, Commitment, Savor, Integrity, Listen. 

Once you do come up with an intention, please consider...

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You don’t need to have it all figured out (DW#534)

Clarity of intention does NOT mean that you need to know or figure out how your intention will guide you, manifest itself or show up during this year. 

Of course, I do understand that this uncertainty will be more than some of us can bear. (not that any of us are control freaks of course …). But here’s the thing: An intention is not about certainty or having it all planned out. If we try to figure it all out and micromanage how we will live our intention and then how will others react etc, it will lead to a lot of frustration. 

This is simply about making an intention for ourselves about how we are going to show up regardless of what is happening around us. 
So please don’t let your need to certainty stand in the way. Commit to a one-word intention. Yes, just one. 

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Express your intention in one word (DW#533)

The thing with setting intentions is that they need to be short and simple. If we are writing paragraphs (or pages!) about our intention, it’s a sign that we are over-complicating things. 

So go ahead and set an intention to set an intention! Once you open to the possibility, your one word intention will come to you. And not necessarily when you are trying hard to think of the "perfect" one. 

And once your intention does become clear to you, it can act as a guiding north star for you, directing your actions and behaviours. 

This does not mean that you will always act according to your intention. But it does mean that whenever you do stray away from it, you can recommit in the moment and reconnect with your intention, adjusting your behavior accordingly. 

For example, if my intention is to relate with honesty (or just "honesty" or "authenticity" or "vulnerability") and I am tempted to be less than this, as soon as I become aware of it, I...

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What’s your intention? (DW#532)

For some people, setting specific goals can feel too limiting. This can be especially so if you are in a time in your life when you want to be open to new possibilities or if you are going through a period of uncertainty, transition, change and discovery. At times like this, setting goals (at least in some domains of our life) can feel overwhelming or simply not do-able. 

At times like this, instead of setting specific goals, consider setting an intention for how you are going to show up in your life this year. 

You might be asking: What exactly is the difference between goals and intentions?

To put it briefly, while a goal is a desired outcome in the future, an intention is about how we commit to showing up in our life everyday and in every moment, regardless of what is happening around us. 

It is a guiding principle or value that we act from, and it is very much based in the present moment (as opposed to the future)
So while a goal might be to...

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What will you do differently this year? (DW#531)

We have been talking about completing an end of year review for last year before moving forward and making plans for this year. 

So, based on your learnings from this process, what exactly are you going to do differently this year? What has worked in the past that you can do more of, and what will you change?

Let’s look specifically at the goals from last year. When you review the ones that you did not achieve, what obstacles got in the way? Is that goal still relevant to you? If it is, then please go ahead and recommit to it intentionally (making notes about how you will do it differently this year). 

If it no longer relevant, you have the option to revise it so that it becomes relevant. Or you can go ahead and intentionally remove it from your goals. This is SUCH a powerful way to clear the emotional burden and mental clutter that comes from so many open loops in our lives. 

There are many goals and projects that find their way into our to-do list but which have...

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Your end of year review (DW#530)

Let’s briefly recap what to consider while writing our end of year review for last year. Doing this can greatly enhance learning about what worked and what we need to do differently this year.

Remember that it helps to break up our lives into the various domains of work, relationships, health and service to make this more accurate and meaningful. You do not have to review every domain of course, but it does help to consider the domains where you experienced the greatest challenges or successes.

So here are the questions:

1)   What went well? What were your successes?
2)   What did not go well? Where did you stumble?
3)   What are your greatest regrets? How closely did you miss success in this area? Were the stumbles a result of outside influences over which you had little or no control or were they the direct or indirect result of your own actions and mistakes?
4)   What were your biggest time wasters this past year?
...

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