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Itโs not me, itโs you(DW# 772 )
Jun 09, 2020
Saying the word YOU after I am sorry will most likely invalidate your apology.
I’m sorry you feel that way
I’m sorry you think that way
I’m sorry you misinterpreted things
I’m sorry you are so sensitive
Even though these phrases begin with the words I am sorry, they are not really apologies at all. These phrases take no ownership of any wrongdoing. They do not communicate remorse for our actions nor express any empathy towards the other person’s feelings.
When we say I am sorry YOU, we are suggesting that the hurt party was wrong to feel upset or hurt. That they are being irrational or over sensitive.
This is not really an apology for our actions, is it?
A pretend apology like the above will result in increased anger as the offended person recognizes that they are being blamed instead of being apologized to.
A pretend apology like the above will result in increased anger as the offended person recognizes that they are being blamed instead of being apologized to.
There is, however, one way we can insert YOU in an apology and make it meaningful and here it is:
I am...
The beginners guide to bad apologies(DW# 771 )
Jun 08, 2020
For the last little while, we have been discovering why it can be so hard to apologize to someone we have hurt, especially when the hurt runs deep.
Let us spend the next few days looking at failed attempts at apologizing. The choice of words (or where they are put) may undermine, derail, or otherwise muddle sincerity, and the recipient may be left more offended than they were in the first place.
Imagine we are offended by someone. And they refuse to apologize. The failure of the other person to apologize when they should, can hit harder than the deed they should apologize for.
And if sorry is said, but it is said without expressing any responsibility for wrongdoing, if it is insincere, does not express remorse or if it is clothed in ifs and buts, it can also leave the offended person feeling worse than they did before the apology.
So let us explore the beginners guide to bad apologies so that we can recognize them if they are offered to us and so...
Ground yourself in your intention(DW#729)
Apr 02, 2020
Yesterday, we talked about how we can set the tone of the day by setting an intention before we even get out of bed.
Today, let us deepen this practice further. The following is a grounding practice that can greatly help us start the day right and have an anchor to come back to in moments of anxiety or distress. When your mind is racing and going down the anxiety tunnel, a grounding practice such as this can help bring you back to the here-and-now. It is a great way set a calm anchor that you can come back to again and again.
All these steps combined take only moments to practice but can have a profound impact on our wellbeing.
Once you get out of bed, feel your feet firmly planted on the floor.
Stand up tall.
Take a few deep breaths (in through the nose, down and into your sides and into your back).
As you exhale, expand your awareness into your surroundings, taking a moment to notice sounds and smells.
Now remind yourself of your intention and feel...
Set an intention for the day (DW#728)
Apr 01, 2020
Have you noticed that how we begin our morning often sets the tone for the rest of the day?
I remember as a child when I was grumpy, my mom saying to me, "It looks like you have gotten out of the wrong side of the bed this morning"! (sorry mom!) I now realize what she meant was that if I was grumpy at the beginning of the day, I would likely remain so for the rest of the day.
As an adult, I am beginning to recognize that I can choose "which side of the bed I get out of". That I can practice setting an intention for how I am going to show up in the world today.
Let us remind ourselves what we mean by setting an intention.
An intention is about how we commit to showing up in our life everyday, regardless of what is happening around us. It is a guiding principle or value that we act from, and it is very much based in the present moment.
For example, intentions related to the present crisis might be:
I intend to be kind
I intend...