What responding looks like in real life
The time it takes to respond rather than react is not long.
Pausing to choose a value based response can be as little as ten seconds. The time and energy it saves you in not having to 'clean up' afterwards is immeasurable.
Let's take a quick example:
What reaction looks like: It is one of those mornings. Your 8-year-old took long to get dressed for school and is now rushing through breakfast. He spills the whole jug of milk on the table as he tries to pour it into the cereal bowl. You get angry, yelling at him, reminding him about how he is NEVER ready on time, how you will ONE DAY leave him at home so he will miss school etc etc. Sound familiar?
So now, you have spilt milk AND an upset child. You are feeling awful about yelling and are wondering on how you will make good on your threat of leaving him at home.
What responding looks like: It is one of those mornings. Your 8-year-old took long to get dressed for school and is now rushing through breakfast. He spills the whole jug of milk on the table as he tries to pour it into the cereal bowl.
You notice yourself getting angry. You pause just for a second to remind yourself how much you love this child despite his apparent inability to be on time or to pour milk. You remind yourself about the importance of modeling what you want to encourage in your children.
You do the following:
1) Tell him: "Oops, there goes the milk. Let's mop it up quickly and we can clean properly once we get home".
2) Help him mop up.
3) Remind him that everyone makes mistakes.
We cannot change the fact that the milk spilt. We have so much influence of how our day (and our relationship) turns out once the milk is spilt.
This choice presents itself to us all the time, in the form of irritable spouses, nagging mothers, raging drivers etc. There is no shortage of circumstances that have the potential to derail and trigger us.
Whether or not we choose to pause and respond instead of reacting will determine our experience of life and our relationships.
Really.
Wishing you a day full of positivity, purpose and peace
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