What emotional reactivity looks like
We have been talking about emotional reactivity in communication and the opposite of reactivity which is equanimity.
Before we talk about how to develop equanimity, let's get clear on recognizing reactivity.
Sometimes we think that if we are not screaming or shouting and we look calm, we are not reacting. But our calm surface might be covering up an internal storm. This is not equanimity.
Looking calm and being calm are two very different emotional states.
Emotional reactivity is as much about what is happening internally than it is what appears on the outside.
If we are having negative thoughts and ruminating about what someone has said, we may be internalizing or "imploding" rather than exploding which is equally unhealthy. Equanimity is not about gritting your teeth and bearing it.
If we shutdown or stonewall during a stressful conversation, we are anything but calm. We are using emotional distance as a way of managing our reactivity which will hurt us and our relationships.
Think of it this way: Whether one blows up a building or lets it crumble upon itself in a controlled fall — the end result of both is destruction.
So how do you react during a stressful conversation?
Do you explode or implode?
Is it working for you?
If not, read on this week and the next!
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