The fear of the unknown(DW# 766)
The truth is that when we apologize for what we did wrong, we do not know how it will be received.
And this fear of the unknown may keep us from accepting fault and making amends.
We may fear that our attempts at repair will be rejected.
The prospect of getting a cold shoulder, of not being forgiven or losing a relationship can understandably be unsettling, especially when it comes from someone we still love, care about and want to maintain a relationship with.
We may also be concerned that apologizing will open the floodgates to further accusations and conflict.
The logic behind this kind of thinking is that once we admit to one or more actions of wrongdoing, surely the other person will pounce on the opportunity to pile on all the previous offences which hurt them and are not yet forgiven. We fear that once we admit to doing anything wrong, it will forever be used against us in the future and for all times.
One problem with both these ways of thinking is that we are focused on the other person(whose reactions are outside our control) rather than being focused on what we can control: taking responsibility for what we did, cleaning up our act and making attempts to repair the damage.
Also, while it is true that we cannot predict how our apology will be received, thinking like this and refusing to apologize will make it more likely that the other will respond with rejection and with piling on more criticism. It will also make it more likely that the person may (at least on the first attempt) reject our apology because it is "too little, too late".
Once again, the way to keep relationships healthy is to clean up our messes as we go. If we have a habit of apologizing on a regular basis, it is much less likely that we face a barrage of criticism due to a long history of pent up hurt and anger.
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