The difference between listening and agreeing.
In my experience, one of the things that stops us from truly listening to the other is the fear that listening might indicate that we agree with what they are saying.
What if we don't agree? Should we not start making our case right from the first sentence? Does silence not mean assent?
Not so. Just hear me out. :)
Listening to, and agreeing with, are two different communication processes. And in between the two lies a third one – understanding.
When someone is sharing their experience, their feelings or their thoughts, there is really nothing to agree to or disagree with. The experience, the feelings and the thoughts belong to the person who is having and sharing them. Our role is simply to hear them out and to understand them (if we wish to be connected to them, that is).
For statements or conversations that do require agreement or disagreement (such as making plans or finding a solution to a problem) understanding the conversation before we agree or disagree with it is crucial.
As Kenneth A. Wells puts it, "A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with."
So go ahead. Be brave. Listen to, and understand, what the other person is trying to tell you.
The choice to agree or disagree is always yours.
But only after you fully understand what is being said.
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