The bully, the bullied and the bystander(DW#12)
This phrase is used often in anti-bullying seminars to explain to parents and children that witnessing an act of aggression or violence and standing by, ‘doing nothing’ is not, in fact passive. Onlookers or bystanders are found way beyond the playground. Bystanders are those people who slow down to look at a traffic accident, but don’t stop to offer assistance, the people who watch an argument on the street, and the crowd that gathers to watch a playground fight. They are the audience that engages in the spectacle, and watches as a drama unfolds, standing on the sidelines and perhaps passing commentary. They might even say things like, “tsk, tsk. What bad behavior” and nod their heads in judgment and disgust without actually doing anything to stop the situation.
Witnesses to bullying and other acts of aggression, violence or oppression who stand by and and do not take a stand actually contribute significantly to what takes place. ‘Doing nothing’ does have a real impact on events and may cause harm. Perpetrators of violence often feel driven on by the audience, feeling stronger than they would in the face of resistance. It can also contribute to a feeling that their behavior is justified or ‘not that bad’.
Is there a place in our lives where we are standing by and not taking an active stand to stand up to unfairness, injustice or oppression? Let us not tell ourselves that we cannot do anything or that it will not make a difference.
Let us stand up and register our protest. At the very least.
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