the growth mindset approach to conflict (DW#385)
People with a growth mindset, on the other hand, can acknowledge their partners’ imperfections, without assigning blame, and still feel that they have a fulfilling relationship. They can see that conflicts are often problems of communication which are fixable and not problems of personality or character which are not fixable.
The perception of relationships as dynamic and changing holds true as much in romantic partnerships as in friendship and other family relationships.
Dweck summarizes her view on mindset in relationships:
When people embark on a relationship, they encounter a partner who is different from them, and they haven’t learned how to deal with the differences. In a good relationship, people develop these skills and, as they do, both partners grow and the relationship deepens. But for this to happen, people need to feel they’re on the same side. . . . As an atmosphere of trust develop[s], they [become] vitally interested in each other’s development.
I find that Dweck’s view is so hopeful for relationships: that we and subsequently our relationships are capable of growth and change and that we do have agency in improving things for ourselves and our loved ones.
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