Take a break
Almost everyone who likes to talk about issues as they arise is in a relationship ends up with someone who would rather NEVER talk about them. Know what I mean?
Arguments in such a relationship often don't get resolved because the couple is locked in a pattern which psychologists call "demand – withdraw", one person demanding for their voice to be heard and the other finding it very challenging to engage in difficult conversations.
There are many good explanations for this pattern, which we will not go into here. What you need to know is that doing what you always do will probably not work in such a situation.
So, how about trying something different?
If you are the one who finds it difficult to stay in challenging conversations because there is an emotional storm going on inside, try this: next time when things are getting heated up, how about taking a break so that you can calm down with the commitment that you will engage in the discussion again when you are not triggered?
It takes about 20 minutes for your body's stress hormones to come back to normal once they are triggered (unless of course you keep ruminating about what the other did wrong, in which they can be elevated forever!!)
If you are the one who tends to withdraw in conflict, the commitment to come back to the discussion (within 24 hours) once you are calmer will be a major investment in your relationship.
It will also make it more likely that your spouse will respect your need to take a break if you keep your word to come back to the discussion.
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