Self esteem and responsibility(DW# 769)
Jun 04, 2020
Harriet Lerner inWhy Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts explains how low self-worth stands in the way of taking responsibility and apologizing.
Refusing to apologize often reflects efforts to protect a fragile sense of self, she says. According to Lerner, refusing to apologize is fundamentally a sign of insecurity.
"In order to offer a heartfelt apology, a person needs to have a solid platform of self-worth to stand on," she says. "From this higher vantage point, the person can look out at their bad behavior, and they can apologize because they’re able to see their mistakes as part of a much larger, complex, ever-changing picture of who they are as a human being."
Or, as she poignantly puts it, "A non-apologizer walks on a tightrope of defensiveness above a huge canyon of low self-esteem."
Powerful words, right?
When we recognize defensiveness in ourselves, it may help to remember that a powerful way to increase self-esteem and feelings of self-worth is to start taking responsibility for our actions.
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