Practice self awareness

Continuing our discussion on foundations for mindful communication, today let us talk about self awareness.

"Self-awareness" is a phrase we often hear in spiritual contexts. There is a famous Islamic narration which goes: "He who knows himself, knows God". In other words, to become aware of God and His magnificence, we must become aware of ourselves.

So far so good. But what on earth does it actually mean to be "self-aware"?

Self Awareness means having a clear perception of your personality, including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions. It is, in essence, the ability to become an observer of oneself, to consider our own selves from a somewhat objective perspective.

Without self-awareness, we are full of "blind-spots" – we have no real idea of our own strengths or where our challenges lay. Without self-awareness, we tend to have little agency or control over own thoughts and emotions, and live in a reactionary mode most of the time. Without self awareness, we do not realize the power that lies within us or how personal blind spots and challenges are derailing us from our best interests.

In other words, "the remote control of our lives" is in someone else's hand. Not a fun or powerful way to live.

How does self-awareness help us to communicate mindfully?

i) We are able to listen to our inner dialogue without believing every word. We are aware that we are making judgments but we don't believe the judgments as the truth. At some level, we are able to notice the judgements and let them go or choose more helpful interpretations.

ii) Our thoughts are directed to our own self development rather than fixing the world. This means that instead of fixing the blame on others for communication issues, we become aware of how our interactions are at least partly caused by our reactions and we focus on these instead.

iii) We are able to (at least sometimes) catch ourselves before we make things worse by saying unhelpful things.

iv) Once we become aware that we becoming defensive, we can notice and allow ourselves to relax into the moment so that we are better able to listen non-defensively.

v) We become mindful of the impact of our tone of voice and body language on others and on how it may be impacting our communication efforts.

To put it in a nutshell, becoming self-aware allows us to evaluate our communication and adjust it so that our efforts are in alignment with our ultimate goals.