Pause before you promise
It is hard to say no to those we care about. It seems much easier in the moment to make a promise when a request is made than to disappoint and upset the one who is asking (especially if they are a child, a family member or co-worker that we see everyday)
The trouble is, when we promise something we have no intention of doing or are not in the position of doing, it ends up causing twice the amount of upset and disappointment, both for ourselves and others. Our words and our promises do not hold much weight. The promisees are never quite sure whether or not we will make good on our promise.
Imam Ali (as) puts it very eloquently: “One who is asked a request is free until promising". On another occasion he said, "A graceful refusal is better than a lengthy promise.”
So the next time a request is made which you cannot or will not fulfil, consider a graceful refusal.
This may be challenging in the moment, but so much easier in the long run for you and for the relationship.
When we get into the habit of pausing before we promise and then acting to fulfill what we do promise, we build credibility for ourselves and trust in the relationship.
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