Opening the window of insight into ourselves

One of the most effective tools for developing self-awareness and opening up lines of communication with others is the Johari Window.

Invented by Psychologists Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham, the Johari Window (cleverly named by combining the first names of its developers!) helps us to become more self-aware and shines the light on parts of ourselves that we may be unaware of, but which may be impacting ourselves and our relationships.

The premise behind Johari's Window is that there are certain things which we know, and things we do not know about ourselves. Similarly, there are certain things others know and do not know about us. Johari's window attempts to help us see that there may be major aspects of our own personality that we are unaware of.

The premise is that there are four areas of our identity: a public self that is known to ourselves and to others (such as our obvious likes and dislikes and personality traits), a private self known only to us and not to others (things that we do not do or admit in public), an unknown self that is neither open to the public nor to us (this is our deep unconscious mind, how we think etc) and a "blind spot," that which others can see about ourselves but that we are not yet aware of ourselves. Blind spots include things such as habits and traits that others may find annoying or upsetting about our personality but which we cannot see for ourselves.

All of us have 'blind spots' – aspects of ourselves that others can see clearly but that we are unaware of. The journey of self development is in essence, the journey to discovering these parts of ourselves that may be hidden from ourselves but easily seen by those around us.

Just as ignoring blind spots can be dangerous while driving, personal blind spots can also be dangerous. A blind spot can be the potential cause for many a failed relationship and failed career opportunities. (Can you think of things about someone you know well that may be holding them back but which they cannot see for themselves? That would be their 'blind spot').

How can we discover our own blind spots? The easiest (though not comfortable) way is to ask for feedback from those closest to us.

So for those of us ready to take the plunge and quickly discover our blind spots, here is a powerful exercise:

Contact a close friend, family member, or mentor, someone who knows you well, and invite this person to share a meal with you. During the meal, ask this person to share with you the one thing that annoys her or him most about you. Before the response, tell the person that nothing is off-limits and that you are not allowed to respond defensively — only to listen with an open heart and mind.

As you can imagine, this is a gut-wrenching and potentially life-altering exercise in self-awareness. It is not for the fainthearted but it is oh-so-valuable for those courageous enough to undertake it.

Allowing others to shine a light on our blind spots, particularly with respect to our faults, teaches us how to become better communicators, better listeners, and ultimately, better people in general. What we learn about our blind spots may not always be pleasant, but it can open up a whole new world we never even knew existed.

It is the turbo-charged way to self growth and development because we can only change that which we are aware of.

Oh and a huge side benefit is this: we will hear a deep sigh of relief from our dearest ones when they see that we are willing to confront that which they may have been complaining about for years!