Name it to tame it
Berne Brown, the world famous researcher on shame and vulnerability says that a way to tame your inner critic is to giver her a name and begin to understand her as an entity.
Because the critic thrives on secrecy, silence and the perception of judgment, giving her a name and calling her out on her tactics weakens her power considerably.
Brown calls her critic "Gremlin", but personally, I'd like to think of something nastier. I have tried various names for my inner critic and these days I am calling her "Ms. Blah Blah".
I can always count on Ms. Blah Blah to let me know why what I set out to do is not a good idea or that it is not a good time to do it.
When I wanted to start the Daily Wisdom project, for example, Ms. Blah-blah gave me a hundred excuses why I could not – or should not -do this.
Here are only a few of them:
- You are not consistent – you will start and then it will fizzle out
- It is too big of a commitment – you don't have the time
- You are NOT a good writer. If you do this, everyone will find out!! There is no way you can write something that people will actually want to read every day
- This is called spam – don't fill everyone's inboxes with more junk
- All this stuff is SO obvious – why bother writing it down
As always, there were so many reasons not to do this.
But the commitment to service, the desire to share and build a community of fellow travelers on the path to self growth, and encouragement from you – won over the voice of Ms. Blah Blah.
Does she still nag me? To be honest, almost every day!
Sometimes, though, she does take a break.
Other times, I have learnt to let her do what she does . . . while continuing to do what I am called to do. . . .
So give your inner critic a name. Start visualizing what s/he looks like. Is she scary or scared? What (or who!) does she sound like?
It might be counter intuitive but when we make this voice more concrete, give it a face and a voice, we begin to realize that it is not so powerful after all.
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