Look for what is right
Sometimes, when we feel underappreciated, we can get into a cycle where we are only focusing on what our spouse is doing wrong.
We can unconsciously start looking for things that they are doing wrong, "scanning the environment" for mistakes that they have made.
And guess what? We will always find what we are looking for!
Happy couples on the other hand, intentionally look for things that their partner is doing right. They get into the habit of catching each other at their best.
And they appreciate each other on a regular basis.
The good news is that focusing on what is right is a habit that can be learnt with intentionality and practice.
So start by intentionally noticing the tiniest thing that your spouse does which is right. If they are helping you or doing something for you, resist the temptation to correct or second guess them.
Instead focus on the intention which they are offering their service, however imperfect it may be according to your own standards.
Voice your appreciation in a specific way, for example:
"You got groceries before I got home. That saves me time. Thank you"
"You let me sleep in by playing with the baby in the morning. I
really needed the sleep and I really appreciate it".
It is quite amazing what a tiny bit of appreciation can do for a relationship.
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