Keep secrets and tell lies (How to ruin a perfectly good relationship)

If safety is the foundation of a healthy relationship, trust is the bedrock of that foundation. Marriage relationships can survive many storms and weather some neglect. Long term lack of trust though, weakens its very foundation, destroys the institution and leaves a mere shell of a relationship.

A VERY effective way to begin the slow weakening of your marriage is to keep secrets from your spouse and lie to them about small as well as important things. The longer you continue to abuse the trust that your spouse has likely placed in you, the more difficult it will be to repair the damage that you have done when you are found out – and you will be found out for sure eventually.

Here are five ways that secrets and lies lead you down the slippery slope of marriage destruction:

1) When you continue to lie and keep secrets, you will ensure that your spouse will develop a nagging feeling that something is not quite right. They will have a lingering feeling that you do not truly love them. They will also begin to expect you to abandon them at any time and they will therefore resist making any emotional investment in the relationship.
2) Every time you are with your spouse, you will feel bad about yourself. This will make you pull away and you will need to invent more lies as to why you are creating this emotional distance.
3) The longer you keep at it, the harder it will be to confess and to come clean.
4) Being deceitful will breed mistrust. Once your spouse loses trust, it will be hard to regain and your relationship will suffer for a long time to come. It's hard to feel emotionally connected to someone when you catch them in a lie or find out that they've kept a secret from you.
5) Keeping secrets is a hotbed for betrayal. Leaving out important facts or telling lies can lead to further deception or betrayal, according to author Dr. Lisa Firestone. Whereas being open with your partner will promote trust and honest communication.

To protect your relationship from secrets, lies and deception, remember the words of Lisa Firestone: "When it comes to truth, think about whether you want people to trust you. Do you value integrity and want your words to be reflected in your actions? If you commit to these attributes on a behavioral level, you'll be better able to gain trust and live your life with honest, open communication. This world may not be perfect, nor the truth always easy to take, but you can find peace and freedom in the security of knowing that the world you've created around you is a real as it gets."