Insult and launch a character attack (how to start and continue a fight) (DW# 302)
One of the most effective ways to start and keep a fight going is to insult the other person and launch a character attack.
For example, the wife in the example said Such a jerk to her husband when they started arguing about the mess.
Long after an argument is over, such insults linger in the mind and keep burning like a mixture of emotional glue and gasoline. So damaging are such insults, that frequent use of such language qualifies as emotional abuse, a grinding assault on the other person’s sense of worth.
The husband in the example reacted to this with his own character attack on his wife when he said: You can’t talk without getting hysterical.
The use of the word hysterical to describe her behaviour was an attack on her character rather than a comment on her behaviour.
She can do little to change his opinion of what constitutes hysteria.
If he had said, on the other hand, Please lower your voice. It is hard for me to hear what you are saying when you raise your voice it would give her a clear idea of what behaviour needs to change in order for them to communicate better.
Can you see the difference?
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