Have an attitude of curiosity and compassion

Continuing with the foundations of mindful communication, let's talk about the attitude with which we approach communicating with others.

Human beings are judgment making machines.

Our minds are active 24/7 trying to make meaning and sense of the world around us. Everything that happens in our environment and around us goes through the filters we have in our brains (our very own unique 'model of the world') and we interpret all information according to these filters and through this model of the world.

This is an automatic, unconscious process. Neither good nor bad. It just is.

The problem is not that we have our own model of the world, it is that most of the time we are unconscious that we are experiencing the world through our interpretations. We tend to accept our interpretations as 'truth' and 'reality'.

The process of becoming conscious involves recognizing this process and noticing the tendency to accept our judgments as the 'truth' or as 'reality'.

Making and accepting judgments as truth greatly impacts our ability to communicate and to relate with others. When two people are in conflict, we can safely assume that both are stuck in their own interpretations of reality of which they are trying to convince the other, usually without success.

When we are listening to someone, and we have so many judgments about them in our head, we assume that we know what they are going to say and therefore we do not have to listen. ("I know what you are going to say" we say to ourselves or to them). When they are speaking, instead of listening to them, we having our own conversation in our heads about what they are saying.

Does this sound familiar? If so, congratulations! You have already begun to become conscious.

If you have no idea what we are talking about, here is a suggestion:

In the next week or so, while you are having conversations, just pause for a moment when someone is speaking and become aware of your thoughts about the speaker and what they are saying.

Mindful communication involves bringing an attitude of curiosity and compassion to our speaking and listening. Of catching ourselves when we are stuck in judgment and intentionally opening our hearts and minds to what the other is trying to communicate.

When we bring an attitude of curiosity and compassion, it allows us access to the other's person's world and we have a much better chance at understanding where they are coming from. It is the beginning of empathy.

Does this mean that we have to change our model of the world or to agree with what they are saying? No, it does not. So let's relax about that, shall we? We can safely hang on to our thoughts and beliefs. No one can take these away from us without our permission.

Let's just focus on becoming aware of our preconceived notions about others and about what they are going to say. And instead let us cultivate an attitude of compassion for their experience and curiosity about what they are trying to communicate.

Deal?