Getting to know your pattern
The first step in learning to choose our responses is to become aware of our habitual patterns and reactions.
These patterns of reaction can look different for different people. What they have in common is the lack of conscious choice in choosing the response.
When faced with an outside stimulus, we can react in the following ways:
1) Be passive – do nothing. I like to call this reaction 'playing dead'. This is the ultimate victim mentality. If something is going on in our lives that is not serving us ignoring it is not a good long term strategy as it will breed feelings of resentment and powerlessness.
2) Be aggressive – blame someone or something outside of our control and attack that person or thing. Again not a great strategy for living a successful life or having healthy relationships.
3) Withdraw from the interaction – slightly different from 'playing dead' as the physical/emotional/mental exit from the interaction sends a very powerful message that we are not willing to engage in issues that may be important to the other person.
4) Be manipulative – this is when we do not have the courage to do anything about it but we moan and complain in private. This also leads to a feeling of powerlessness as we have no control over the behaviour of others.
What do you do naturally when you are stressed?
It is not pleasant to acknowledge these reactions in ourselves. But it is vital if we are to change these patterns which are not serving us to live the kind of life that we want.
So let us ask ourselves where in our life and in our relationships we are engaging in these unhelpful patterns:
1) At work?
2) With our spouses?
3) With our children?
4) With certain friends?
Wishing you a day full of positivity, purpose and peace
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