Get in touch with your intention

Before we start looking at the communication skills, let us explore the foundations of mindful communication.

Mindful communication, as we said yesterday, begins in the heart and so the first step in learning to communicate mindfully is to become conscious of your intention when you speak and listen.
And then begin to set intentions for all your conversations.

Setting intentions for our communication is a powerful exercise. Intentions determine the full consequences of our thoughts, words, and actions. It is our intentions which form the spirit of our activities and the emotional tone of our efforts.

From an Islamic spiritual perspective, intentions form the foundation of all acts of worship. Without the intention, even prayer does not qualify as an act of worship. And conversely, by setting an appropriate intention, any act of everyday living can become an act of worship.

This implies that two actions which look apparently identical, will be different in spirit depending on the intention behind them. The growth, maturation and real transformation of an individual is in the transformation of his or her intent (which then leads to a transformation of behaviour).

For example, if I call a friend to chat. From a spiritual perspective, we could argue that calling to just chit chat with a friend is neutral – it is neither good nor bad.

If I call the same friend with the intention to get the latest community gossip or find out the dirt on someone, this same conversation becomes a reprehensible action which will put a burden on my soul.

On the other hand, if I call the friend to inquire about her mother's health, to support her because she is going through a hard time, or to build the bonds of friendship, it will become an act of kindness leading to spiritual growth.

The outward action remains the same. The internal and spiritual experience changes with the change in intention.

Intentions change not only the spiritual experience in communication but also impact our relationships.

Here is an example: next time you are in conflict with someone, make an intention to understand their point of view – you do not have to agree with them so relax!

Notice how your intention to understand (rather than to convince them or to change their behaviour) changes your communication with them, the nature of the conflict and your understanding of the situation.

Cultivating the intention to understand is perhaps the single most powerful and transformative ingredient in relationship communication.

So setting positive intentions for our communication transforms our relationships. It focuses our mind and energy and allows the Universe to support us in our intention.

This is something quite difficult to explain but astonishingly easy to experience.

Here is another way to try it out: When you call a friend today or tomorrow, pause for just a moment and become present to your intention. Cultivate a positive intention that will benefit your friend and yourself. Softly announce it to yourself or even to others if appropriate.

Notice the difference it makes in your communication and in your interactions.