Extend the ‘olive branch’
It is SO easy to get off track in the middle of an argument. Even when we know better, the desire to say something mean or aggressive can get the better of us when we are triggered.
Speaking for myself, although I do this for a living and know A LOT of theory, living this moment to moment is challenging. Despite my best efforts, words or body language (the eye roll or the frown) that are harsh rather than gentle, mean rather than loving, do slip out from time to time.
Thankfully, each moment in a relationship gives us a fresh opportunity to get back on track.
Dr. Gottman calls what we do to get back on track "repair attempts" and he firmly believes that these are the happy couples' (and families') secret weapon.
Gottman describes a repair attempt as "any statement or action – silly or otherwise – that prevents negativity from escalating out of control."
Next time you find yourself escalating in an argument, try making a repair attempt.
Extend the olive branch, a signal of peace in the middle of battle. A ceasefire because you recognize that a personal win here would be a loss for the relationship.
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