Call it out(DW# 788)
Jul 01, 2020
Of course, it is much easier to work on relationships if both people are involved and committed. But this is not always possible. When the other person is refusing to work with you and instead uses gaslighting as a coping mechanism for conflict and disagreement, they are unlikely to have the degree of self-awareness needed to take responsibility for their actions and to work on the relationship.
So, here’s the thing: although it seems unfair, the victim of gaslighting needs to take charge of their own responses and do what they can to help themselves. This is not easy, but it is much better than waiting endlessly for the other person to change.
Over the next few days, let us explore some ways to help ourselves if we find ourselves in such a situation.
The first and perhaps most important step is to recognize and name the gaslighting. Name what is going on between you and your spouse, friend, family member, colleague, or boss. If it is not safe for you to express it to them, name it to yourself.
The thing with gaslighting is that it only works when a victim isn’t aware of what’s going on. By definition, once you recognize that the problem is not in how you perceive reality but in how the other person is manipulating the situation to avoid discussing real issues, gaslighting will begin to lose some of its power.
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