Be critical (How to ruin a perfectly good relationship)
Complaining is great for relationships but criticism is very destructive.
What's the difference?
When you are complaining, you are focused on an issue which is bothering you and you are giving your spouse information on what bothers you, why it bothers you and how to make it better.
This is what a complaint sounds like:
"When you leave your socks on the floor after you change your clothes, it frustrates me since I like to have the floor free of clutter. Please put them in the laundry basket instead."
A complaint involves taking ownership of the way the issue makes you feel and it invites the other to support you through a clear request of change in behaviour.
Criticism on the other hand, involves attacking the other person's character or personality. It does not give information for change and causes defensiveness in the other person.
"You always leave your socks on the floor. How selfish can you be? You don't care that I spent so much time clearing up. Why can't you pick up after yourself?"
Can you see how even if this person picks up the socks and puts them away, it may not solve the issue of you thinking that they are selfish?
So let us get great at complaining and stop with the criticism!
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