Understanding does not equal agreement(DW#742 )
One of the things that trips many of us when we are practicing validation is when the other person views things very differently from how we do.
For example, if our spouse gets upset at her co-worker because she is late to work every day, we may struggle to understand why this is such a big deal. It may not matter to us what time our co-workers get to work and we may even empathize with the co-worker because she is a single mother with small children.
It can be very challenging to listen to someone whose world view, thoughts and opinions are different from ours.
When this happens, we need to remind ourselves that listening and trying to understand where the other person does not mean that we agree with them.
It simply means that we love and respect them enough to accept that their responses and emotions make sense given who they are and what they believe.
In the example above, if we are patient and ask some clarifying questions, we may gain a better understanding of the values underlying the upset at someone’s tardiness.
We may still not agree with it and that is okay. The aim of such communication is understanding, not agreement.
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