Taking action can change your feelings (DW#471)
We have been discussing how feelings come and go, and how we can learn to accept our emotions.
It bears repeating that emotions by themselves do not force us to do anything. Nor do they, by themselves, ever get us into trouble.
Our choice and responsibility kicks in when we decide how to act, not when we are feeling the feeling. In other words, it is our actions and behaviours that have consequences for ourselves and for others.
If we only work when we feel like it, it will get us fired from our jobs. If we lash out at our children every time we feel frustrated, the authorities might step in (not to mention that our children will be traumatized). If we act on every sexual temptation that we encounter, we will likely get divorced. If we act out every angry feeling we have, we may end up in jail. Do you get the picture?
This is why it is so crucial to differentiate behavior from internal feelings and emotional states: we feel how we feel but we need to act in accordance with our values and not necessarily our feelings.
This week, let us take this idea one step further: we can actually change how we feel by how we choose to act.
An essential part emotionally intelligence is being willing to act despite how we feel. We are more likely to improve our emotional state than if we wait for the right emotional disposition to act.
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