Minimize or mock a complaint (how to start and continue a fight) (DW#301)
One of the worst things we can do when someone makes a complaint in a relationship is to minimize it, or even worse, to mock the complaint by our words or actions.
When the wife in the scenario that we are discussing complained that the husband does not help with cleaning up the mess, he minimized and mocked her complaint by picking up one tiny thing and then saying: There,âĻI helped. Now are you happy?
This is an example of Reductio ad absurdem "Reducing to absurdity" which deflates others by making their wish, complaint, or idea sound silly or foolish.
We can also minimize a complaint by saying something like: Why are you making such a big deal about something so little?
Not only is this kind of response to a complaint minimizing and hurtful, it devalues our partner and what is important to them.
Not a great way to build a relationship.
If you wanted to repair the interaction on the other hand, try understanding the meaning and feeling behind the complaint instead.
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