Don’t be a gratitude pest (DW#638)
For the last several posts, we have mentioned several studies that support the benefits of a deliberate gratitude practice. But like other powerful interventions for increasing well-being, the practice of gratitude is complicated. We need to have a balanced view of it and recognize that while practicing gratitude for ourselves can bring about much positive change, pushing it on others may do the opposite.
Firstly, many people do not like others to tell them what to do. [Some in fact will do the opposite of what they are told to, just to prove a point . . . ] They specially cringe when they are trying to express dissatisfaction or negative feelings to us and we come up with "helpful" suggestions to make them feel better.
The suggestions to be grateful are usually in the form of:
"look on the bright side"
"consider how lucky they are"
"well at least . . . ."
"it could have been much worse . . . "
"you should be grateful that . . . "
When people hear such suggestions in the midst of an upset, their guard goes up. They start thinking that the other person really doesn’t get how upsetting this is for them and is dismissing their reality. Their brains are busy resisting what we are saying because they are focused on convincing us that what they are feeling and thinking matters.
So, the next time someone is sharing feelings or experiences, take a breadth and simply listen. Validate their emotions.
This is not the time to be a gratitude pest.
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