Do you expect your spouse to read your mind? (DW#384)
May 02, 2018
People with fixed mindsets expect that that in an ideal relationship, the couple should be able to read each other’s minds and finish each other’s sentences. Since characteristics are fixed according to their view of the world, a lack of communication or a difference of opinion is suggestive of a fatal flaw in the relationship.
When Dweck invited people to talk about their relationships, she found that: Those with the fixed mindset felt threatened and hostile after talking about even minor discrepancies in how they and their partner saw their relationship. Even a minor discrepancy threatened their belief that they shared all of each other’s views.
For those of us who are in long term relationships we often find that we are still learning about each other even after decades of being together and can see how destructive it can be to expect the other to read our minds.
If we develop a growth mindset in our relationships, we have a much more realistic idea that compatibility is developed over time and that we can can learn to love each other better by taking the time and effort to express our needs and to listen to the needs of our loved ones.
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