Convey your understanding (DW#286)
As we have been discussing, it is challenging to listen to understand, especially in close relationships.
So given all the challenges, how do you know if you have actually understood what your loved one is trying to tell you?
Here's how to check your understanding:
First, you need to repeat back what you have understood. This can be as simple as repeating the exact words they have said, or by paraphrasing their words.
And then checking in with them:
Did I get that right?
Is there more?
Is that what you mean?
Let me see if I have understood you . . .
While you are checking in with them, you do need to make sure that your tone of voice and your body language convey humility and the intention to understand.
You will know if you have understood if they tell you that you got it!
Or if they let out a sigh of relief
Or if they spontaneously hug you . . .
Yes, listening to understand is challenging and no, it does not come naturally.
And it gets much easier with practice.
The increased connection and relationship satisfaction (and the spontaneous gestures of love and affection) will make your efforts worthwhile.
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