Boundary walls are necessary but not sufficient (DW#361)
We spent all of last week talking about the importance of boundaries and walls around your relationship to keep it protected.
Walls around the relationship, however, are not enough. In a healthy relationship, spouses have what Shirley Glass calls "large open windows" of intimacy between themselves.
On the safe side of the wall, a couple looks at each other through this clear, large, open window. This is where there is an open and honest exchange of ideas and feelings. The couple communicates well through this large opening between them.
In this healthy situation, the couple may also have close meaningful relationships outside of their connection. However, the windows between partners and their other relationships are much smaller and not as transparent.
How do we keep these "windows of intimacy" clear and transparent?
By connecting with each other by asking questions, telling stories, being honest and vulnerable, and committing to regular and reliable periods of connection.
If you sense that a window has become foggy or that there is a crack in the wall, please do not ignore it. Check it out and bring up your concerns to your spouse.
It is much easier to recover from a close call than an affair.
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